Big family small town

So I started out my Friday night at the local watering hole. I grab my beer and hit the machines. Because I set down for my second beer gentleman approaches me. I will admit he was a decent looking gentleman I'll be it a little older.

He calls me out my name. I get a tad nervous. My thoughts ranged from an online profile he recognized me from to a business associate. Neither of which I really wanted to run into you at the bar unexpected. 

So my response was maybe I was who he said. 

His response I think we might be relate. 

My thoughts were oh lord your hitting on your cousin. 

Sure enough we are third cousins. The joys of living in a small town and having a big family. 

Worse yet both he and his friend thought I was at least 10 years older than I was. 

Lovely blow to the ego. Flirted on by my cousin and thought it be older. 

I also caught a glimpse of my high school crush. I always thought the dude was very handsome. 

The problem is his ego is bigger than the truck he drives. I'm also too big for his taste. He's missing out on the affection from a bigger woman. 

Should I call it a night now or hit the karaoke bar?

So it's Friday

Yes thankfully we've made it successfully through another work week and it's Friday. Like any great woman, I need a drink! I believe since this week I've not hidden any bodies, emasculate any men (the whole save the BOOB whose truck was on the side of the road was last week, for the record!) or caused any ruckus I deserve a drink.
So here's how I imagine my Friday going.
I rock my work day and my evening assignment. I get glammed up to head to the local watering hole/dance floor.
The bartender knows me and has my drink ready as I sit down. There's a few games on the big screens around the bar so I check out the scores and listen to the band.
Tapping my foot to the beat and singing along with the band, I'm approached by a decent looking cowboy. The closer he gets the nicer he looks. Broad shoulders, great welcoming eyes. I can't see his butt yet but I can imagine it looks as delicious as the rest of him.
I figure my luck he's going to squeeze into the space next to me to order a drink and move on.
He does order a drink, two actually, one of which matches what I'm drinking.
He pays and grabs both drinks. He turns and hands one to me, along with some cheesy ass line.
I laugh smart ass back enough to zing but not hurt his ego to much. I do thank him for the drink too.
The next song starts up. It's a nice beat a slower two step. He asks if he could teach me to dance. That's one I haven't heard before. I mean I know how to dance (not a professional or anything but I can two step, waltz and can even swing with the right man to lead), I've been asked to dance. But never been asked to be taught.
Quickly I decided to play dumb (that act is a rarity by the way) and say yes. Quite the gentleman takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor where he spins me around and tells me I should start out on the right foot.... DUH women are always RIGHT, so we start on the right foot.
He figured me out in about 4 steps I knew the basics. So we dance a few songs, I figure out he's got a job and has a house in the country, cattle and horses. I find out he's a pretty darn good kisser.

That's how I IMAGINE my night going.... It's probably going to go something like this.

I get hit on online during the day on POF. I may or may not vaguely tell a few where I may or may not be tonight.
Regardless I step up to the bar, where the bar tender does in fact know me and hands me my usual. One of the following steps up: A dude of Mexican decent who doesn't speak my native language (handsome or not I'm not willing to try and find an interpreter), a old geezer who really needs to find someone else to hit on, preferably someone that's old enough to not be his daughter/granddaughter, a stoner/homeless/jobless or all three who forgot to learn to dress appropriately for a Friday night at the bar or some drunk who can't stop the drool from his chin staring at my boobs. That list could seriously go on and on and on and on. It would be truthful but not something I'd care to remember.
Instead of dancing with a decent dude, I kill a few line dances and head for the slot machines. There I'll loose $10 and decide to hit the karaoke bar. At least there I know I'll be the best dressed, most gorgeous lady in the bar. Hey I have all my teeth, have a job and can sing!

So your vehicle breaks down and you're saved by two women....

   Does that make you feel like less of a man?
   Wait let me set up the earlier part of the night for you...
   Some dude is trolling the net for a woman, most likely a piece of tail, a hook up but I won't make assumptions.
    Suddenly you see BOOBS! Yep white freckled BOOBS! Hey.... it even says she's not that far from you, why not.
    Ok so the white freckled boobs are mine but he's definitely the boob before the evening is out.
    In my other post, I explained how I set up a "faux" profile, we'll call it an experiment, but it was way more entertaining than just an experiment.
    I convince the BOOB to drive to the middle of nowhere, no seriously, the bar wasn't really in a "town", though I do believe there was a dollar general across the street. There's little and limited cell service in the area especially INSIDE the little teany tiny bar. Remember, he REALLY doesn't know what I look like. I mean I did post photos but of my tattoos on my shoulder blades and a really good angle crop of my bathing suite top.
   I knew what he looked like though. I watched him walk in the bar and sit up at the bar and order a drink or two or three. I'm with a very loud obnoxious group of girls, all whom know exactly what's going on. We play darts, shoot pool, dance with each other and have a grand time.
  Boob messages me from the bar, when he can get signal and sets up to leave. I told the girls he didn't have the balls to approach a "bigger" girl. They tackle his truck. No really, my friends TACKLE his truck, one nearly got backed over then proceed to all but jump into his lap in the driver's seat calling him chicken. Chicken probably wasn't the exact word they used, but you get the drift.
   He messages me back saying he'd come back for ONE beer. HAHAHAHA! He bought a few rounds, proceeded to get insult after insult from the loud obnoxious group from the trucks he drove, to his job and even at one point his attire. I'll admit several times they were over the top and I asked them to tame it down.
  He left before the rest of us did. We stopped at the nearest convenience/truck stop to get our required diet dr pepers. Did you know that a diet dr peper will ward off a hang over the next morning and keep you from getting sick. It will, unless of course you chose tequila. Then it's hopeless and inevitable to have that hangover/praying to the porcelain god.
  Guess who, low and behold was in the parking lot. BOOB! He said he appeared to be having issues with his truck, that he was severely harassed and berated about earlier that evening. He begged for a good night kiss and said he could make it home.
   That making it home part was a bit more tricky than he intended. A mile up the road he was on the side of the road AGAIN! My girlfriend and are nice gals... we stopped.
  We used some contacts to call him a wrecker. Helped get it all loaded while he stood with his hands in his pockets.
   I know we are very capable independent women and will get any job done. But wouldn't getting saved by two chicks when your big ole Ford diesel breaks down on the side of the road make you feel less of a man?

Blog Hiatus Over....

  No men were harmed, hooked to a ball in chain or hitched by the writer of this blog during this time away.
  So why did I disappear? This blog is for me, well and whomever cares to read they hum drum boring life of a single 30-something. I got busy, frustrated, whatever, it wasn't a priority. Now.... I need to get back into writing as an outlet again.
   No! No men were involved in this hiatus, swear. Well, no solid real man anyway, not to say those online have attempted to solicit explicit photos, hook ups etc. I still haven't had a real date in FOREVER! Ok so at least over a year.
   If I had quick answers to why, I'd hope I could be able to fix that and be happily taken.
   So I'm still online POF, OKCupid, Eharmony when they have free communication weekends. Why not pay for the service? Well I have before a couple of times, and it reaped ZERO prospects!
   As an experiment this past weekend I set up a new profile. My REAL profile is pretty blunt in what who I am, what I want and includes photos showing my entire body and is very tasteful. While that profile got some responses, there were a lot of messages I ignored and it's been up a while.
   So the new profile had a pick of my in a bathing suite (the angle the photo was taken, it does look shows the a bikini top and looks like I have a decent, albeit WHITE, body). The photo is FAR from a full body image. I also posted two pics of my tattoos. I have two, one on each shoulder blade. My headline: "So, do you have balls?!" My description was very short and extremely vague as to who I am.
  I posted the photo around 9 on a Friday night and by midnight I had over 40 responses. SERIOUSLY?! I turned it the profile off on Tuesday after close to 100. I turned it back on today and guess what? At least two dozen more.
  These dudes no nothing about me and what I look like. I MEAN REALLY!?
   I think the term this day and age is catfishing.
   While this isn't getting me any closer to a date, it was entertaining.