So your vehicle breaks down and you're saved by two women....

   Does that make you feel like less of a man?
   Wait let me set up the earlier part of the night for you...
   Some dude is trolling the net for a woman, most likely a piece of tail, a hook up but I won't make assumptions.
    Suddenly you see BOOBS! Yep white freckled BOOBS! Hey.... it even says she's not that far from you, why not.
    Ok so the white freckled boobs are mine but he's definitely the boob before the evening is out.
    In my other post, I explained how I set up a "faux" profile, we'll call it an experiment, but it was way more entertaining than just an experiment.
    I convince the BOOB to drive to the middle of nowhere, no seriously, the bar wasn't really in a "town", though I do believe there was a dollar general across the street. There's little and limited cell service in the area especially INSIDE the little teany tiny bar. Remember, he REALLY doesn't know what I look like. I mean I did post photos but of my tattoos on my shoulder blades and a really good angle crop of my bathing suite top.
   I knew what he looked like though. I watched him walk in the bar and sit up at the bar and order a drink or two or three. I'm with a very loud obnoxious group of girls, all whom know exactly what's going on. We play darts, shoot pool, dance with each other and have a grand time.
  Boob messages me from the bar, when he can get signal and sets up to leave. I told the girls he didn't have the balls to approach a "bigger" girl. They tackle his truck. No really, my friends TACKLE his truck, one nearly got backed over then proceed to all but jump into his lap in the driver's seat calling him chicken. Chicken probably wasn't the exact word they used, but you get the drift.
   He messages me back saying he'd come back for ONE beer. HAHAHAHA! He bought a few rounds, proceeded to get insult after insult from the loud obnoxious group from the trucks he drove, to his job and even at one point his attire. I'll admit several times they were over the top and I asked them to tame it down.
  He left before the rest of us did. We stopped at the nearest convenience/truck stop to get our required diet dr pepers. Did you know that a diet dr peper will ward off a hang over the next morning and keep you from getting sick. It will, unless of course you chose tequila. Then it's hopeless and inevitable to have that hangover/praying to the porcelain god.
  Guess who, low and behold was in the parking lot. BOOB! He said he appeared to be having issues with his truck, that he was severely harassed and berated about earlier that evening. He begged for a good night kiss and said he could make it home.
   That making it home part was a bit more tricky than he intended. A mile up the road he was on the side of the road AGAIN! My girlfriend and are nice gals... we stopped.
  We used some contacts to call him a wrecker. Helped get it all loaded while he stood with his hands in his pockets.
   I know we are very capable independent women and will get any job done. But wouldn't getting saved by two chicks when your big ole Ford diesel breaks down on the side of the road make you feel less of a man?

Blog Hiatus Over....

  No men were harmed, hooked to a ball in chain or hitched by the writer of this blog during this time away.
  So why did I disappear? This blog is for me, well and whomever cares to read they hum drum boring life of a single 30-something. I got busy, frustrated, whatever, it wasn't a priority. Now.... I need to get back into writing as an outlet again.
   No! No men were involved in this hiatus, swear. Well, no solid real man anyway, not to say those online have attempted to solicit explicit photos, hook ups etc. I still haven't had a real date in FOREVER! Ok so at least over a year.
   If I had quick answers to why, I'd hope I could be able to fix that and be happily taken.
   So I'm still online POF, OKCupid, Eharmony when they have free communication weekends. Why not pay for the service? Well I have before a couple of times, and it reaped ZERO prospects!
   As an experiment this past weekend I set up a new profile. My REAL profile is pretty blunt in what who I am, what I want and includes photos showing my entire body and is very tasteful. While that profile got some responses, there were a lot of messages I ignored and it's been up a while.
   So the new profile had a pick of my in a bathing suite (the angle the photo was taken, it does look shows the a bikini top and looks like I have a decent, albeit WHITE, body). The photo is FAR from a full body image. I also posted two pics of my tattoos. I have two, one on each shoulder blade. My headline: "So, do you have balls?!" My description was very short and extremely vague as to who I am.
  I posted the photo around 9 on a Friday night and by midnight I had over 40 responses. SERIOUSLY?! I turned it the profile off on Tuesday after close to 100. I turned it back on today and guess what? At least two dozen more.
  These dudes no nothing about me and what I look like. I MEAN REALLY!?
   I think the term this day and age is catfishing.
   While this isn't getting me any closer to a date, it was entertaining.

No new posts

No new posts.... no NEW douche bags, good thing!

No new guys either even douche bags though.

I've rejoined a gym. No prospects to peak my interest. 

I've had a few new contacts on pof but nothing to get me excited. 

I met Karl from Slingblade

Mmm hmmm for reals!

I had an evening free so I agreed to dinner date. I will admit it was against my better judgment, but I try to keep an open mind. 

Mmmm hmmm texted me he was running late. I almost figured I was up for another stand up completely. 

I almost gave up and called it when he showed up.

I couldn't understand much of what he said at all. He talked and had the personality if Karl from Slingblade. Mmmm hmmmm.

I thought I had the "emergency call" set up and texted it was indeed needed. I got no call. Dang the girlfriend!!! 

No thanks to her I did make it out alive. I passed off the I'm tired routine. Filled up the tank with gas and took off. 

Hit the local regular bar and no one was there. Not even the band slated for the night.

I ended up at a local karaoke beer bar. No douches. No real men. No drama. But they had cold beer and I got to sing!!'

Guarantee

It's frustrating to know what you're looking for and can't find it. I guarantee it will be in the last place you look. Of course once you find it, you stop looking.

Just my random thought tonight as I sit in my very quiet house. 

So much for a douche free couple of days.

I'm not one to waste a kidless evening. If I had a significant other, I'd be spending a quality evening with them. Even if it was only to sit in our sweats and watch a movie.

Since I don't have one of those I'd rather not spend a night at home alone. So it's Wednesday night choir practice aka karaoke night. 

I was good with the night. Being a random stranger among other strangers. But it turns out not all were strangers outside of my best friend and co-conspirator. 

The local guy on pof I'd went on a few lunch or dinner dates was in there. Ya know the one that quit texting out of the blue. The one that all of a sudden changed his Facebook status to in a relationship. 

Yep. He was there. There was a woman I'm the vicinity but I'm not convinced they were "together."

So I think my new goal should be to meet a man with some balls. I'm really not sure they exist any longer. I think they are an extinct species. I have more balls than all the men I've met in the last year combined. 

Come one guys seriously. GROW SOME!!

EDIT: So dude was at least nice enough to buy my best friend and I a beer. Course this is after my girlfriend and I hit the dance floor two stepping. Maybe he was paying for the entertainment. 

Three douches, one weekend... has to be a record!

I'm slowly loosing hope that anyone with any common curtesy exists. Especially encountering three douches in one weekend! That really must be some kind of record.

I know there are a lot of men out there that are superficial. No matter how hard I work or how much weight I loose I will never be they're Barbie doll, trophy girl. Nor do I want to!

I'm a curvy woman and will always be. I'm not ugly. I'm am comfortable in my own skin even if its a work in progress for me. 

This weekend sucked as a single woman and honestly pissed me off the amount of douches that think it's alright to flake, stand up or otherwise engagement in douchebag activities.

I went to dinner a week ago with a gentleman that seemed decent. He expressed interest in seeing me again. Remember "Ted" with 4 kids aka Douchebag #1 of the weekend.... He even asked if I would be free this weekend. 

I told him I would be. I invited him to a karaoke bar on Friday near my home. On Friday afternoon he lead me to believe that he'd be meeting me there. 

When the time came for me to break free I texted the coward. I got no response. 

I refuse to and will not ever again beg a man to spend time with me or show me affection. So I went out anyway. 

Guess who I run into there. Dude from the last karaoke bar, aka Douchebag #2 of the weekend! He'd found him a woman. A drunk tweeker no less. He actually left the bar, and left her there because of her attitude and actions... So yeah there are stupid douche women in this world as well.

I had fun regardless. 

Dude texted me an apology for the brush off cold shoulder after he left the bar, told me I looked and sounded nice... huh really dude? So you're a flake douchebag with no balls. It woulda been nice to hear the comment in person. He went as far as even saying he should have texted me earlier in the day.... uhhh DUH! Like I said before, more than once, I intend to be pursued, I will not chase the chicken. I may suggest the first encounter but after that its up to you men.

Saturday morning rolls around and I'm lazy as can be. I need to find a maid to clean my house and a hot yard guy to mow the yard. I had some errands to run around my hometown early in the afternoon and my full time position purchased minor league baseball tickets in the big city for the evening. 

There's a "country boy", "real farm boy" on POF, aka Douchebag #3 of the weekend, that has  been messaging me. I told him where I'd be and what time, invited him to join me. He gave me his numnber and said he was looking foward to meeting me.

I texted him when I left the ballfield. I thought he was on his way, but never showed his face. I texted twice without answer.

It was then I spotted Ted. Yep in the corner and more than once on the dance floor. I was pretty sure, despite the rather large crowd, he'd made eye contact and was well aware I was there, yet didn't once approach me.

I proceed to enjoy myself and my best friend and her man show up to guard me against the short Mexican stalker.

She also put Ted aka Douchebag #1 in his place!  We are quite good at that remember we put a Jack in his place...

It was quite entertaining. As we were gathering to leave the bar our paths crossed. I continued on, but Sally decided to stop Ted. She tapped him on the arm. I heard "What the hell happened to you last night?" as I walked closer to the exit smirking.

Apparently Ted's eyes got rather large and looked like he was about to shit his pants when Sally called him by name and called him out on being a douchebag. He apologized. More than once, and used the "I didn't get your text excuse.."

He did have issues the first time he tried to text me, and apparently supposedly has since. It appears that maybe he can't get my text while and if I send them from my house. It's really random times etc. Dude seriously has a couple strikes against him now so not sure he will last much longer anyway.

So what's next... It looks like I have three nights without a kiddo :) Maybe it'll be douchebag free too!

 

Did I shave my legs for this?

Did I? No, I didn't but I sang it.

Seriously a few times I have totally felt it was a total waste to get the legs silky smooth.

Last night after a long college algebra tutoring appointment (I'm the hot tutor by the way not the student) I decided I'd take advantage of a kidless night.

My girlfriend went hunting elsewhere and totally baled on me. I did worn her that she should set up the bait a little closer to home, make him work for it. Alas, again she didn't listen. You would really think she'd learn by now.

Dumbass stood her up. He should really watch out.... Us girls now how to encourage karma.

In the meantime, I rounded up the latest list of prospects on POF. Knowing it was a weeknight and late, I figured I'd be striking out on the chance for a drink.

One was on his way out to a hole in the wall. I sweet talked the new prospect into another down the road where they at least had karaoke.

My first song out of the box.... "Did I Shave My Legs for This?"

Ironically because of the tutoring session, I didn't get the fresh shaved, silky smooth legs. Ok so not gross lady bigfoot legs, just not smooth. Hey, I had makeup on and freshened up my hair.

We laughed, he bought beers and FINALLY my girlfriend shows up from being stood up. It was a good time, I laughed.

I got a kiss goodnight. Darn good kiss too.

Can't be shocked anymore

Nope can't happen, I really don't think I can be shocked any more.

So dude has no picture, which I usually pass over completely and not answer.
His user name is 10inch_for_milf. Again something else that usually just get's the ignore pile. But hey the two replies I sent was at a moment of PURE BOREDOM!

Hey he's at least "tall, cute, inshape guy who is respectful. I love older women, divorced women who are wanting to have a lot of fun."

He has that going for him (rolling my eyes over and over and over again).

Now to draft the perfect insulting smart ass reply!

Really bright dude!

I know sometimes guys were dropped on their heads as children and probably have been smacked upside the head a few times over stupidity. Then there are those that I have to wonder how they function in every day life.

So you all know I got stood up recently. I've got a few dating website profiles. I met the "match" on OKCUPID.

 

I do realize that on that particular website it rates us as 10% match and 96% enemy. However, he did make the initial communication and I have a what the heck attitude, to give him a chance. That is until he didn't show up.

 

I stumbled upon a new site by following a random blog, so I had to try Plenty of Fish. I decided to try and use a whole knew profile photo and "user name."

 

I found a message from guess who in the last 24 hours....

 

 

Dude's using the SAME name and everything! SERIOUSLY. I haven't heard anything from him on the OKCUPID site since he stood me up.

Sometimes, I just wonder.....

I'm over the weekend, moving to the next...

Yep, I got stood up. I took myself to dinner, to a movie and out to a bar.

The dinner and movie was nice, despite getting some weird looks because I was doing it solo on a Saturday night.

The grande margarita might have been an unwise choice. It was really delicious. However, about a third of the way to the bottom, two local police officers chose that time to frequent the restaurant, and politely sit at an adjacent table. CRAP!

I quietly finished the delicious meal and the margarita. I wasn't going to let it go to waste!!!! I quickly but efficiently sober walked to the car and drove the four blocks to the movie theater.

I watched "Now You See Me." I took up to seats lounging and getting comfortably stretched out. HEY IF I hadn't been stood up, there would be two seats taken anyway. Oh and it was the "earlier" showing so the theater wasn't very full either.

I had purchased a snazzy new dress, strapless even, had my hair and make up did and a sitter, so I decided to hit the bar ALONE!

 

 

 

So if you remember correctly I had a choice for my Friday night. Well the "old friend" that wanted to "hangout" texted me during the evening. I think he took the fact I was on a date with myself as an invitation and didn't take me seriously I had been stood up.

 



Umm no! Thanks for the sympathy though dude! I'm not that vulnerable!

 

The WHOLE weekend wasn't a total bust! I spent two days (extra day off) at the waterpark with my kiddo! Great times.

 

I also had an interesting conversation with someone I met online several years ago. Timing didn't click for us, before. About the time he responded to my ad I was attempting something new with someone. We remained friends. Even though it was a short time, when I decide to move on from the something new, he had began a relationship.

 

He's moving on from an ending relationship and wants to hang out. Seems like a nice enough guy, stand up dad. Who knows.... I did catch up with him in person for a bit running into him at the water park.

 

Sooo..... I'm ready for a new weekend! Who wants to go out this weekend?

It's a bust

Another long Saturday night. I literally am sitting at the bar right now.... Alone. Again. 

I was asked to meet up for a date and was stood up. I could have moped and went home alone. Instead I took myself to dinner and a movie. Then showed up to listen to a band for a bit. 

It still sucks a little to be sitting alone all dressed up and not even one drunk to flirt with so far. 

The excuse for being stood up was a trip to an ER. If the truth a valid reason. But it sounds to me like just another excuse. 

To top the cake Mr. I Can't Commit texted me. I'm sure he wants an open invite in my front door. I don't think he believes I'm being honest when I responded to his "What's up?" text was I was being stood up. 

Tonight makes the line "what's a pretty and great like you doing still single?"

Hold a hell of a lot of wait.

I'm single because men are assholes. I'm still holding out hope there's one that's not a complete douche 100% of the time. 

I'm not the only hater of the dating world

I noticed a few facebook posts in the last 24 hours that proves I'm not the only hater in the dating world. The posts were just too well put not to share.


"Dear Males,
First off, I didn't call you men because you do not classify as such. Please, stop asking for pictures of my THAT. Why would I have pictures of THAT on my phone? No, I will not take a picture of THAT right now and send it to you. And for the love of all things good and holy, I do not want to see yours. Listen up. THOSE are like tools, like a hammer or pliers or a screwdriver (no pun intended). They get the job done, but aren't really good looking. Speaking of tools, you are one if sex is your go-to topic when "getting to know" me. Additionally, I am mildly intelligent and am incredibly turned off by your chronic misuse of the English language. Perhaps, instead of trying to pick me up, you should be picking up a book."

"And because I'm not done ranting...
Dear Males, Part Two:
Your generic compliments/come on lines are kind of cute, but mostly disgusting. And unbelievable. And annoying.
"Gurl, you so pretty."
"We have a connection."
"I wanna do you."
One of my favorites? - "You look really good for being 33 and having four kids." It's usually said to me by tub o' lard who gets winded walking up a flight of stairs, has the facial hair of a 15-year-old, the hairline of a 60-year-old, and who spends his weekends alternately licking Cheetos dust of his fingers and playing Call of Duty. Like a boss.
While I'm on the topic of facial hair, sometimes it is a neon douchebag sign. Difficult to describe, but I know it when I see it. All women do. I must admit that I do appreciate you guys for advertising your d-bag status on your chin/upper lip. A huge shout out to those of you who wear your asshole badge in the form of Affliction gear. I love being able to see and recognize your dickheadedness from a mile away. A sincere thank you for that 'I am douche, hear me roar, Bro.' attitude.
Lastly, I'm pretty sure none of you know how long "all night long" really is."


"P.S. Don't even get me started on hipsters, with their declaration of "I was doing (fill in the blank) before it was cool!". Listen, Kiddos, my generation was shopping a thriftstores 20 effing years ago. You didn't invent "popping tags" and you certainly didn't make it trendy. Also, no one cares which little known and awesome as hell venue you'll be checking into on facebook this weekend. No one. We also don't care for your dimly lit photos from said pub/restaurant/club."

You're too old for me, I'm too old for you

Age is just a number. I've heard this so many times, and at a certain point and it's true. But only to a certain point.

In my mid 20's as long as they were old enough to drink it was ok, and there were few that would attract my attention if they were over 10 years older than me.

Now that I'm early to mid 30's 28 sounds young! I've been in a situation where I've been around high school youth for 15 years as a professional and I have a younger brother. Both are reasons that make me feel old and slightly inappropriate if they are younger than 28.

Even today it seems 10 years older is an understandable threshold for my attraction.

I have a theory. If you were IN high school
while I was around high school youth in a professional capacity, I'm too old for you.

If you are too old to keep up with me, you're too old for me.

Recently I proved, I'm too old. When I was younger, pulling a 24 hr. + wasn't much, I could crash for however long I needed with little or no responsibilities. Those responsibilities snuck up on me, even if I want to pull out the 24 hour fun. My girlfriend and I went to the movies recently (the only date I've had for at least two months). Afterwards she was supposed to meet with a "blind date" for a few drinks. Finding out she was with a girlfriend early in the night spurred a need for him to "find a friend" it seemed.

We agreed to head to the bar for a bit. A few drinks and a few games of pool and soon the conversation turned to a bon fire. The young punks, neither gentleman had hit the big 30 yet and hadn't even edged to 29, wanted to build one and have us sexy women around it to partake in a few cold beers.

We even debated on building a "white man's fire" or an "indian fire".  For those of you that don't know,  a "white man's fire" is big and hot and you have to stand back to enjoy while the "indian (or native American for you non okie, politically correct folk) fire" is small and you get close to enjoy it.

It was late already and I knew I had an early morning, but was some how convinced it was a good idea to head out to the country. An "indian fire", cold beer and conversation was a great time. Until I realized I only had enough time to shower, change and go again a full day ahead.

I'm not one to get hung over, but the next day with no sleep was rough. It took me nearly 48 hours to feel like myself again. I just don't bounce back like I used to.

PUT A SHIRT ON AND CLEAN THE ROOM!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with dating online! Especially in this technological day and age. Here's a few tips for you guys!

See a profile that catches you're eye? Send a message! Don't hesitate, thinking they will see you're profile and make the first move. Rejection online isn't near as brutal as in person, promise!

Set up a sincere profile! Fill in the blanks or at least a few of them. I'm very much less inclined to reply if your profile is empty!


Put a decent picture on the profile. I'm going to define decent! -
        

            DON'T DO THE BATHROOM IN THE MIRROR PHOTO!!! IF THAT'S ALL YOU GOT, PUT A SHIRT ON AND CLEAN THE BATHROOM!
             OK SO REGARDLESS OF WHAT ROOM, MAKE SURE IT'S CLEAN AND PUT A SHIRT ON!
            DON'T TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU LAYING DOWN! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS! AND PUT A SHIRT ON!
            DON'T POST A PICTURE OF YOU AND A GIRL! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S YOUR SISTER OR YOUR COUSIN OR YOUR BEST FRIEND! I'M TOO CLOSE TO ARKANSAS, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHO THE GIRL IS! (I KNOW TASTELESS BAD JOKE). DON'T JUST CROP THEM OUT EITHER. WE CAN TELL! AND PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T BE SHIRTLESS NEXT TO A CHICK!
             ACCEPTABLE TIMES TO NOT WEAR A SHIRT INCLUDE PHOTOS AT THE LAKE/BEACH/POOL. BUT IN GENERAL LEAVE A LITTLE TO A GIRLS IMAGINATION! MOST OF US HAVE A MUCH MORE VIVID IMAGINATION THAN A PICTURE CAN ILLUSTRATE. GUYS, USE THE SHIRTLESS PHOTO AS A SECONDARY PICTURE, NOT A PRIMARY ONE!
            I UNDERSTAND YOU MIGHT BE PROUD OF YOUR TRUCK, CAR, MOTORCYCLE, BOAT. IF YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF IT GREAT, AGAIN AS A SECONDARY PHOTO. IF IT'S YOUR PRIMARY PHOTO I HAVE TO QUESTION YOUR PRIORITIES. WILL I HAVE TO TAKE MY SHOES OFF TO GET A RIDE TO DINNER?
            ULTIMATELY I DON'T MIND CIGARS/CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL. IT IS A BIT TASTELESS TO PUT THEM IN YOUR PRIMARY PHOTO. SERIOUSLY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CIG IN ONE HAND A DRINK IN ANOTHER?
            COMB YOUR HAIR, CLEAN UP AND MASTER THE SELFIE IF YOU CAN'T FIND SOMEONE TO HELP YOU SNAP A GOOD PICTURE!

Dating online it is important to carry out a conversation, more so than in person. You have to interest me into continuing to see what you're about!
"Hey, how ya doing? Wanna meet up?" just doesn't cut it with me. Even if you are looking for a hook up, and let's face it, a huge percentage are, you don't lead out with "let's get naked"!

Ladies, also please remember to be safe! A first meeting should be in a public place. Make sure friends know where you are going and who you are meeting. Have a full charged phone, keys easily reached and an escape plan. Ya know that emergency text you're best friend will send in case he's a douche! I've even been known to run a background search. Call me extreme but there are a LOT of freaks in this world!

Putting a Jack in his place!

When my ex-husband decided he graciously didn't want to be married to me anymore I moved out of the house I'd put a good deal of money into and found an apartment with my best friend, "Sally."

Coming from a very small area, not just one town, but cluster of a few, rumors flew as I was pulling out the first load of stuff. The first rumor was that my ex had left me for my best friend. Sally had hit a sort of rough patch and had stayed with us off and on for a few weeks prior to the split.

The gossips quickly found out Sally and I moved into a shared apartment. That rumor my ex left me, quickly turned into, I left my ex for a new girlfriend. Sally and I thought it was pretty funny actually and still laugh about that today. We lived together about 8 months, then she found her a man and left me! That abandonment actually pushed me into buying my own house. I'm proud that I am a single mom working hard to provide a life for my son and I with no support elsewhere.

We had some pretty wild times before she shacked up with someone else though. We're still best friends and seem to find a way to have a wild night every once in a while.

While I wasn't an angel in high school, college and the time before moving in with my ex, I hadn't exactly sowed any wild oats either. So I guess in a way I was going to make up for that following my divorce.

I hit a local small bar on a regular basis and was rarely home on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. After all, there was pool night, karaoke night, ladies night and live band nights. I held a full time job and paid all my bills, but made sure I enjoyed myself after hours.

Most of the time Sally and I were out together. Occasionally, one of us would find someone that peaked an interest enough to go on a few dates. We'd watch each other's back all the time and hurt anyone that tried to hurt us. Well, maybe not physically, but we knew how to play Karma!

She had been seeing a guy she'd met through work. He actually seemed like a pretty nice guy. He approached the subject of maybe making things a bit more serious than casual dating. Things went smooth between the two of them for a few weeks, then it seems he got kicked in the head and forgot to call or figure out how to answer the phone. When they did talk, he was rather vague. She offered to travel to his neck of the woods about 2 hours away, he declined. After a week or two of being totally blown off she was over it and looking for new friends.

I'm guessing he got to feeling frisky, wanting to visit and just decided to "show up" from two hours away, mind you, into OUR town. I hear he drove by our house and discovered Sally wasn't crying a river over him at home. I understood he later ventured to OUR local watering hole. That particular night we'd already left the small bar for the night, really early. Sally went to hang out with a new interest and I decided I wanted to fish in a different pond and headed to a bigger bar.

Friends of ours made sure we found out he was asking around about Sally that night, and just being a general butt. Sally was just going to laugh it off. I however, decided this ass wasn't going to get away with playing my girl!

He never had my cell number, only Sally's, so I called him from my phone and flirted with him the following night. When he asked who I was and how I got his number I told him I was "Stacy" the dark headed, short girl he danced with the night before. "Honey, I can't believe you've already forgotten about me! You gave me your number and said to call you. You told me I was a great dancer and we should party again soon!"

Dumb Ass! He fell for it hook line and sinker! Damn am I good or what, I know exactly how to set a bait.

He told me he couldn't travel that far two nights in a row but "We should set up a date soon!" Gas prices were setting record highs at just under $2 per gallon at the time, so I understood not being able to travel the distance two nights in a row. We set up a future date. He said he'd be in town in a couple of weekends, he wanted to take me to dinner then dancing.

I started to feel guilty though and as the night approached, I called him. I told him things had come up and wasn't going to make the date. I called early enough to cancel as to not waste his time prepping for the date, let alone begin his 2 hour trip to town.

I was willing to call that all the fun I needed. But, dude wouldn't give up! He called back a few weeks later. I'd actually saved his number as "FU****" in my phone and was at a poker table when he called. I stepped outside to answer, "Hey sexy! What are you up to?" In the most seductive voice I could muster without doubling over with laughter. He wanted to try to set up a date again!! Sweet guy he is. He just remembers, I'm that sexy. Granted, "Stacy" that he thinks he's meeting up with, DOESN'T exist!!!

So we set a date. I really forgot about it until he called me the night of the "date" to confirm restaurant location/directions saying he was nearly to town. Again caught of guard a bit, I had to pull it together quick!

"Yes, Sugar. I'm getting all pretty now for you. I'll meet you there in about an hour!" I seriously ran into the bathroom to find Sally and told her to get her ass dressed in the best duds she had. We had a date to stand up! I quickly explained what was happening and we both rushed to get beautified.

I called Jack back, ya know JACK ASS, to tell him I was running a bit later than I thought I would curling my hair and getting dressed. I wanted to look my best for him on our date. "Why don't you go ahead and go inside and order me a glass of tea. I'll be there in about 10 minutes."

So I get Jack to drive 2 hours to meet a made up gal he thinks is hawt, sexy, a terrific dancer and I'm guessing he'd really like some action from. I then get him out of the truck, into the restaurant and order drinks.

Sally and I pull into the restaurant with a third girlfriend. We make sure he's inside. We ask the waitress to sit us at the table beside him.

The look of shock on his face was hilarious when he saw Sally walking toward him only to be seated just across the aisle from him. We all kept our act together though and enjoyed the "date". I think I saw beads of sweat just under his cowboy hat as he asked what we were up to. The ice in the tea glass set up across the booth from him was slowly melting.

"Girls' night!"

We asked what he was doing all this way down here, picking up the small talk. He replied that he was "supposed to be meeting someone."

He proceeded to pull out his cell and dial a number, frustration seriously showing on his face. My cell from deep in my pocket began to silently vibrate. The three of us girls were chatting away about our days and what we were going to do for "girls' night."

I asked him what was wrong, concern wreaking in my voice, as he audible hung up his flip phone. I was biting through the inside of my cheek to keep the smile from my lips.

"I think I'm being stood up!" He told us. Again we kept everything in check. He asked if we knew a Stacy that hung out at the local bar. He told us she had long dark hair and was kind of short about "this height." Jack seriously shows us how tall "Stacy" is.

We look at each other and think about it. "No... I don't think we do."

Jack never ordered anything beyond his drink and the tea for "Stacy" and sat there lonely through most of our meal.

He was waiting in the parking lot as we were walking out. He pulled Sally aside asked if he could talk to her.

He never knew what happened to him that night, but he did apologize for being a Jack Ass to Sally. Nothing more happened between the two of them. But us girls had the satisfaction of setting him up that night.

We laughed all the way to the bar that night and still laugh about it today. Ya don't mess with my girl!!!