Another new year.......

So it's another new year. Another year I rang in alone. Another year that I had no midnight kiss, no one to look forward to the new year with. It's officially a long time single. I don't remember my last true honest to goodness date. You know the kind, where I get an invitation to dinner, movie or to just hang out. Oh wait I take that back I had ONE of those over the summer, and it was a double date with dip shit chicken wanker young pup.

I signed up and PAID for a new site last week. We will see, but so far I'm NOT seeing it as very promising.

This potential site is supposedly supposed to link me up with more "like minded guys."

So far most of these "like minded guys" reside in areas well more than an hour away. I've said it before, I'm sure but just in case.... I'm not moving. My family is here, I have a really good job here and it would be a hard battle to find one comparible anywhere else. I've spent the last several years setting up what I do as a second job, investing and building a customer base. I like it here, I was raised here, my son is in a good school. These are just some of the reasons. I wouldn't mind moving 30 minutes tops away, but I would really like to keep my son in the same school district he's in now. 

I know it's selfish to say I won't move but I can't help it. I know that most of these guys are in the same situation. I know how I feel so I really don't want to ask them to enter into anything even the begginning stages of a relationship knowing that ultimately if it worked someone would have to make a tough decision. I don't want to ask them to make that decision. It would be much easier if I could meet and link up with someone more local.

I still want to be persued. I'll put myself out there to a certain point. But I want a strong willing man to reach out and persue me. I've tried to persue and I don't like it. I guess part of me wants that man to prove early on that they WANT to know me, WANT to spend time with me because of who I am including all my edginess and faults.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

The fact that I've asked for one thing over each year over the last few years and the fact that I'm still asking has diminished my belief in the spirit of Santa Clause.

So. This is officially your very last chance.

Here goes......

I want a man for Christmas. He doesn't have to be top of the line just top 20% or so. 

He needs to have a job, his shit in order, can support at least himself financially, no major issues or drama, has all his teeth or at least the appearance as such, most of the time, no over the top tattoos that can't be concealed as the need arises and the same goes for tattoos and just a MAN.

Don't get me wrong Santa if you could find a way to send me a rich, gorgeous guy, I'm not going to complain unless he's too stuck on himself to swoon over me and make me feel like a princess.

It's been a really long time since someone just wrapped me in their arms, wanted to be with him and touched me in all the right ways.

I know I'm a busy person, but a lot of what I do is fun and would be awesome to have someone that shares those interests that would make it even more fun.

I don't need a sugar daddy, but I'm damn sure not going to be a sugar momma either. 

I'm not getting any younger, Santa. I've been alone long enough and really do deserve someone to make me feel special.

I've tried everything on my own when you didn't grant the Christmas wish several years ago. 

I need someone that has patience, can keep up with me, put up with me and love me for who I am and realize that I am not nor is life perfect.

Sincerely your last chance,

ME!

So I understand some are looking for an update

Apparently a few people read this thing... One or two and those have asked where's the next adventure. What's going on now.

Well, lately there is no adventure and really there's not much going on.

I'm still single. I'm still stubborn and set in my ways and thus far haven't found a man up to the task and challenge.

I tried a summer romance with a younger man. I was set up by my bff. He turned out to be a flake and never found out what he was missing out on. I also found out later, it's probably for the best because, well bless his heart, just wasn't blessed in many ways.

I kind of figured as much and was beginning to wonder if I was going to get to break in my first virgin.

I did have a small adventure one night. I went to the casino to play a little poker. It was a crowded table, but there I found a seat between a couple of decent looking dudes, one older and one younger. I started out quiet and had a beer or two while my stack crew and dwindled.

The younger dude to my rights was also a bit quiet. There was an older gentleman to his right and a drunk one seat further. The dude to my left was only slightly older, a bit more comfortable in the city lifestyle than a country one it would appear. There was a hooker next to him, I really don't think I'm exaggerating, or being a smart ass, like at all!

The cards turned to SHIT! Then they decided to switch decks all together. I've seen the luck go both ways after they switch decks. It switched alright. Everyone at the table got paid. But drunk dude hit the damn royal flush and raked in close to $10K... Couldn't have been me damn it.

He bought drinks the rest of the night so I milked it. The more I drank the better looking and more flirty I was with the older city dude. We finally cut it at the table and moved to the bar. Where we ordered more drinks. He was hot by this time with the beer goggles turned up to at least 10.

I snuck a picture and texted my girlfriend who, what and where... Ya know in case I disappeared or something.

I finally told the dude I was drunk he was buying the room and loaded his ass up. I had fun, pretty sure he was ok with it too. Did the walk of shame the next morning around the back exit of the hotel.

So there ya go.... The only adventure I've had in a while. I wish my life was more exciting but right ow it's just not.

I'm fucking done

I've said it before but I swear to everything I know I'm done. Men and relationships are total bullshit. I'm destined to be single. 

I try and open up the first time in a really really long damn time. 

I was sent to a guy via a friend. 

I'm not sure where things go wrong don't know where I screw up. I don't understand. 

I wish I did I could fix it maybe. I dunno. I even told him this time to jus be fucking honest with me if he didn't wanna keep trying to fucking let me know. He didn't. It's total fucking bull shit. Men are ducking assholes and I'm soo fucking tired of trying. It's totally not fair. I deserve to be worshiped. I don't understand. Like at all. Hence the reason I'm fucking done. 

Karokee night

Another Friday night alone. Really alone. So alone the Dj skipped me out completely during one rotation. Really!? There's like 6 or 7 singers! Everyone else is singing "I love you bunches songs" while I'm singing man hating, I'm single and men are worthless. 

Just another Friday night. Just a regular Friday night. 

And so it goes..... Shit never changes. Just makes new stories

In the last several months I've paid for a singles website subscription with no results. I've kept up with the free sites with not one man with real balls to keep up and put up. 

I thought maybe recently something might work out. Except he's soooo damn shy. 4 dates. FOUR and not a kiss one. 

I got an offer from young pup biker dude for 15 minutes of fun and 30 minutes of conversation. 

Was re approached by a married guy who apparently was diddling a young filly himself only to get caught. Apparently I'm safe and seems to think I am quiet. 

I've watched some of the biggest players and douches hook up solid and even marry. 

Yet here I am..... Again at a bar 45 minutes from home.... Alone. 

Married dude at least said hi that's something I suppose. 

Was supposed to meet a douche. Yeah I did know ahead of time he's a douche but I figured a couple dances maybe a drink something besides home alone. He was supposed to show 30 minutes ago. I'm giving it another 15 before I go home and get good and drunk. 

This sucks. It sucks pretty damn bad. 

I'm so sick of waiting for my turn. 

I'm f'n DONE!

I'm done... Fuckin DONE!!!

I'm done being content being single. I'm fuckin done trying to find someone... I'm just done, which is miserable!

It's not fair! It really really isn't right or fair and I really don't want to accept that I'll just be single the rest of my life. I really want to find someone to spend my time with!

In the last 5 months I've watched some really good friends find people. I've watched the biggest ass holes, douche bags and players find people and appear to stop being the player they are. Yet I can't even get a fucking date!

What the HELL is wrong with me! Why is it so fucking hard to find someone who wants to be mine and wants me to be theirs.This month marks 11 years since my divorce. In that time, three times I've tried to make things work, not a single one of those times did that man want to hang around for anywhere close to a year.

If I can't find someone, I want to know WHY!? 

This fuckin sucks ass!