I noticed a few facebook posts in the last 24 hours that proves I'm not the only hater in the dating world. The posts were just too well put not to share.
"Dear Males,
First off, I didn't call you men because you do not classify as such.
Please, stop asking for pictures of my THAT. Why would I have pictures
of THAT on my phone? No, I will not take a picture of THAT right now and
send it to you. And for the love of all things good and holy, I do not
want to see yours. Listen up. THOSE are like tools, like a hammer or
pliers or a screwdriver (no pun intended).
They get the job done, but aren't really good looking. Speaking of
tools, you are one if sex is your go-to topic when "getting to know" me.
Additionally, I am mildly intelligent and am incredibly turned off by
your chronic misuse of the English language. Perhaps, instead of trying
to pick me up, you should be picking up a book."
"And because I'm not done ranting...
Dear Males, Part Two:
Your generic compliments/come on lines are kind of cute, but mostly disgusting. And unbelievable. And annoying.
"Gurl, you so pretty."
"We have a connection."
"I wanna do you."
One of my favorites? - "You look really good for being 33 and having
four kids." It's usually said to me by tub o' lard who gets winded
walking up a flight of stairs, has the
facial hair of a 15-year-old, the hairline of a 60-year-old, and who
spends his weekends alternately licking Cheetos dust of his fingers and
playing Call of Duty. Like a boss.
While I'm on the topic of facial
hair, sometimes it is a neon douchebag sign. Difficult to describe, but I
know it when I see it. All women do. I must admit that I do appreciate
you guys for advertising your d-bag status on your chin/upper lip. A
huge shout out to those of you who wear your asshole badge in the form
of Affliction gear. I love being able to see and recognize your
dickheadedness from a mile away. A sincere thank you for that 'I am
douche, hear me roar, Bro.' attitude.
Lastly, I'm pretty sure none of you know how long "all night long" really is."
"P.S.
Don't even get me started on hipsters, with their declaration of "I was
doing (fill in the blank) before it was cool!". Listen, Kiddos, my
generation was shopping a thriftstores 20 effing years ago. You didn't
invent "popping tags" and you certainly didn't make it trendy. Also, no
one cares which little known and awesome as hell venue you'll be
checking into on facebook this weekend. No one. We also don't care for
your dimly lit photos from said pub/restaurant/club."
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